This is a write-up of miracles I have witnessed in my life…
Preface
I am writing this piece with a lot of reverence, gratitude, and devotion in my heart towards my Gurumaa—she is my maa, my guru, and my Devi. Words and language fall short to express the love she radiates toward all of us in this world. I also offer my gratitude to Maa Saraswathi who has generously bestowed knowledge and skills that help me navigate my professional life—which also helps me write this journal (anonymously) using the very skills she has generously bestowed upon me. Last but not the least, I hold great reverence, gratitude, and devotion upon My lord Sri Raamaa, who is my father, my king, and my lord. I am also eternally grateful to mother earth, for every moment sustains me and all the lifeforms froms of her.
About
Sorry for the cheesy title — the inspiration for which comes from the popular sitcom series called “How I met your mother” (which I have not seen, btw, so please excuse any lack of relevance). But I still used it as it is perhaps the cornerstone of this journal—because my guru maa finding me is the biggest of miracles that have happened in my life (for which I am eternally grateful).
Context
Everything needs context— so a little bit about me—only those things that led to this (right)path:
- I’m 36 Male. Single. Being born into a Tamil Brahmin family, I was always a devote as a child. I always recited some stotram and bhajans from childhood.
- Ages 19–35, my devotion had become more of a transactional one. Which I was acutely aware of all the time, but never did anything.
- I’m an introvert and I don’t share or talk much — I prefer being with myself. I was always very comfortable with myself and preferred to be alone.
- In 2018 — I and a friend of mine, ventured to start up a tech company. I put my heart, soul, and savings(everything I had).
- Somewhere between late 2019 to Jan 2020, I went financially broke; a 7-year-old relationship ended. It was tough for me to go through the turmoil, but I was doing all I could to make our startup work. We pivoted twice. Eventually, by the End of 2020, we interviewed at YCombinator (it’s the Harward of startup accelerator) and we were in discussion with all leading VC firms in India.
- In March 2021, still financially struggling I got infected with COVID-19. This was the final nail. We ended the operations of our startup. This was very painful. I cried a lot with a deep sense of loss—I had lost everything I had.
- Till as late as June 2021, I did not know the word ‘Sadhna’ — I did not know anything about ‘Spiritual awakening’ (though I was always devoted, I just really did not know about any of these things). And I had not meditated ever.
- (I am immensely grateful for all these events, without which I would have never been walking on this path).
Miracles
Arranged chronologically—
My COVID-19 Recovery
It was the end of March 2021, and my test result came out to be positive for COVID-19. Along with me, the entire of India was getting into the 2nd wave (which turned out to be the deadliest). I was physically exhausted, mentally drained (my startup had failed just a couple of weeks ago), and financially down. I did not even bother to check for hospital beds, and I probably just had around 1200/- INR in my bank account.
I locked myself up in a room, as I could not risk infecting my aged parents and others (and god’s grace they were not infected). 3–4 days into my illness, my SP02 started going down—I could hardly complete a sentence over the phone without gasping for air.
I remember going into a night thinking the show is over. And that’s when my worried father sent me a picture of Lord Sri Danvantri over WhatsApp and asked me to just look at him. I was looking at Lord's Image, and I can’t recall when I probably slept. I remember waking up with an unmistakable feeling of recovery—I knew the show wasn’t over and that from that moment on, I was on the road to recovery. And I indeed recovered. I did not take any medication whatsoever, I recovered in a night. I did not pray for my life, I was too depressed to ask for life (perhaps as I had nothing to go back to). It was the prayers of my parents and loved ones, and that was answered by the grace of Lord Sri Danvantri.
Somehow, this did not put me on the path of Spirituality — (can you believe it?)
My GuruMaa Found me ❤️🥹
Soon after recovering from COVID-19, I was searching for volunteering opportunities. I tried my best, but somehow I did not find an opportunity to serve (how I wanted to—being out in the field). Now looking back, I was seeing ‘seva’ as a means to keep my mind engaged and to help me with my heartbreak/pain (relationship, my startup, etc.).
I started singing bhajans, stotram, etc along with my mother every day. My mother and father are very devoted in their own way (my family is a south Indian brahmin family). Growing up, I heard stories of Mahabharat and Ramayan from my grandfather. My family is a very big reason why I was always devoted growing up.
Now, while reciting bhajans and stotram, I started noticing that I was flowing tears while singing—at first, I thought this was my healing (from failed startups, relationships, etc that I was grieving). But actually, that explanation that I gave myself was somehow shallow — as I strongly felt that I have lost a lot of years in my life by not being devoted. Tears did not stop, and here’s where my ‘seeking’ began.
I started doing a Japa of Lord Vishnu’s mantra. During this time, the internet was my only source of knowledge. I stumbled across a post in Hinduism Stack Exchange, where somebody had written that one can not do Japa(of a mantra) unless initiated by a Guru. And here is where my longing for a Guru began. Things were happening to me that I couldn’t explain as I would do a bhajan or kirtan and tears would flow with a strong feeling of remorse. The only clarity I had was the fact that I couldn’t explain the changes I was going through. This happened very quickly, in a matter of weeks. And my longing for a Guru became so strong that was the only thing always at the back of my mind. (reflecting now, I really don’t know when I moved past my losses)
So, I really wanted to start doing my Japa again (which I had briefly stopped because of what I had read on the internet). So, I just started praying to Lord Ganesha and accepted him as my Guru, and asked for his protection and forgiveness (for anything wrong I would be doing due to my ignorance). And started my Japa practice again.
All this while, I would tear up every time I would be singing bhajans. So, I searched on Google to understand ‘Why tears flowed when I sang bhajans’ — this led me to a Quora response that I resonated very strongly with. I was indeed crying with intense repentance from inside that I have wasted 35 yrs of my life (as also noted in that Quora response). The response was written by none other than my dearest GuruMaa, whom at the time, I had no idea of.
But Maa’s response (on Quora) appealed to me so much, that over the next few days, I would read her response many times (each day!). Slowly over a couple of weeks, the desire to know who Maa was became so intense that I wasn’t able to sleep at night. I would go back to Quora and or search on Google for Meetrani (Maa’s Quora ID). Within a couple of days, I found a video on YT, which had only audio of Guru Maa. And from there I somehow found Maa’s Facebook and sent her a DM on Fb. It was 01/07/2021, at 00:09 am.
That night, after sending the message on Fb messenger. From out of nowhere, I started chanting a mantra with Maa in my mind. Within 45 seconds to a minute of me chanting it, I felt my plea was heard. That feeling was so unmistakable that I got frightened and pulled the blanket and tried to sleep it off.
If any of you know any programming, it’s like I made an API call from my server, and I got a 200 OK status (success/acknowledged) callback. Except, it was all done via thoughts.
Below is a screenshot of my message:
Here’s what Maa had replied.
This is perhaps the biggest miracle that happened — fills my heart with gratitude to the universe for helping me find my Guru maa. I was lost and desperately seeking some sort of direction and longing for a Guru, and my Maa found me :)
My Guru maa, is my Devi, my divine mother, my guru. Every time, when Maa sends me a message I flow tears, I have no control. I even feel a bit scared, I go numb for a few seconds and can’t reply to her—it gets really overwhelming in the most pleasant way.
Growing up, I have always wondered to know (the experience) how would the experience be, if at any time, the divine, communicated with me ever in my reality. And Lo! now I know.
Opportunities to donate 😍
Back in November 2020, on a regular road, I was approached by an old lady requesting that I help her with some supplies for her household (food) from a nearby grocery store. At the time, financially I was very down. The fact that I couldn’t help made me cry my heart out, and the entire way back home, I cried inside my helmet and I prayed to my Lord Sri Vishnu that she should find someone else who has the heart and means to help her.
For the next few days, I borrowed a few hundred from my mother and my brother, and I kept them in my purse always. But I never saw her later—I searched for her but was never able to find her.
Soon, in July of 2021 —I found myself a full-time job. A very high-paying job (which again is a miracle as I landed this within 4 days of me wishing for a job—that’s for some other day).
Now, with a stable incoming coming in, I am able to help a few old people every day for the past good few months.
And only after getting the job, I have been able to meet the original old lady. Oh, and what she told me was pleasantly surprising. She told that she prays to Shridi Sai Baba and leaves home to go to the provision store with no money –—and knows that Lord will help her meet someone who would help her with monthly provisions. And we have been able to meet each other many times ever since. Our meetings are very random because I don’t know who she is, or where she lives. She doesn’t know my name either. But still, we have both meet almost every month for the past 6–8 months (and I’m grateful that I have the opportunity to help).
Sometimes when I feel I haven't met her in a long, I would send a prayer out, and I would meet her within 7 days. Though random, to me is very predictable — almost like clockwork now.
Lotus-pink Sky
In December 2021, my family (Father, Mother, I, and brother) took a trip to temples in Madhurai, Rameshwaram, and Thirupullani.
We visited temples in Madhurai, and then we left for Rameshwaram from Madhurai. Started this journey fairly early in the morning. We had booked a taxi for the trip. I was sitting behind my mother and father, while my brother was sitting in the front passenger seat.
As we drove, I was very excited about going to those places where my Lord Bhagwan Sri Raam had been physically present historically. This very feeling excited me a lot. During the drive, I started reciting (in my mind) Kanda Sashti Kavacham involuntarily.
2 hours into the journey, as we neared Rameshwaram, we could see the sea from both windows. The excitement was getting so high and was unstoppable. I started reciting Jai Sri Raam and Sri Raam Stuti inside my head with sheer excitement and happiness.
With my gaze fixed on the sky above the sea. It was around 11 AM, and the sun was out in his full glory on a clear blue sky.
My parents were dozing in and out of sleep. My brother was holding a conversation with the driver.
I remember talking to my Lord Sri Raam in my head, I called him my father, I called him my king (and myself a citizen in his kingdom, and how I wished I was there in Ayodya when my Sri Raam was here on earth) and I called Maa Sita as my mother. And I suddenly noticed the entire sky turned lotus pink. It happened in an instant.
Not realizing the miracle, I was shocked that others in the car aren’t noticing this beautiful sight. I called out to my brother interrupting his conversation with our driver (asking him to look at the beautiful sight—all pink sky). He said the sky is blue. But I am seeing only a vast expanse of Pink sky (everywhere). And I instinctively thought that my side of the window is tainted. I opened the window and it was still the same Lotus pink sky wherever I looked.
In my head, I soon recalled a line from my favorite Sri Raam Stuti, where his greatness Sri Tulsidas Ji describes Sri Raam as having Lotus-like beautiful Pink eyes, face, hands, and feet. I was immersed at that moment, and the sky (to me) became blue again in a few seconds as soon as I realized this.
Old Gentleman Singing Bhajan
That evening we had just completed the darshan of Lord Shiva at the Ramanathar Temple in Rameshwaram.
This temple was where my Lord Sri Raam had made a Shiv Ling and did a pooja before the war. In this temple, like others, there are different sannidhis (shrines for different gods). One of the Sannidhi was of Lord Muruga (Kartikeya), who is dear to me since my childhood. Here I saw an old man singing bhajan in praise of Lord Kartikeya.
His bhajan and devotion were so enchanting that I couldn't move past them at all. I just stood there next to him and soaked myself in the beautiful songs he sang. I suddenly got a strong wish to seek this old man’s blessings, but he was singing without any pauses.
It was past 8 PM, and my family was insisting to move as we had finished the darshan. I stalled them for maybe about 30 mins asking them to wait. My mother’s feet were aching so I also had to leave. Finally, I decided that I had to leave and should not make my mother wait more, but I just did not want to. But when my family approached me again to ask me to get going, I conceded with a heavy heart and started to go. My heart and ear were still strongly tuned to his bhajan. As I walked away, maybe 10 or 20 meters away (it was a very crowded place)—I noticed that he paused his singing (for the first time in over 45mins), I immediately turned back, and he was looking at me across so many people in the crowd (all the 30–40 minutes, he never looked at anyone except lord Muruga in front of him, and mostly his eyes were closed). He called me to him with his eyes, I ran and fell to his feet. I did not say anything, he pulled out some Vibhuti (ash) and put it in my hand. He never spoke a word to me.
(thinking now, I think he did not want to me fall on his feet inside a temple, I truly only saw my Lord Muruga in him).
I was feeling so happy and blessed now to go back with my family this time. My eyes filled with tears and inside my head, I’m only chanting some god’s name, and my heart filled with gratitude for the love the universe showered upon me.
Why am I journaling?
These are some of the many (many) miracles I have witnessed/experienced. My life today oscillates between the spiritual path and getting entangled in worldly things (primarily my job related). Just by me being aware of this path has brought about a significant change in how I conduct myself. I generally feel much calm (I used to suffer from severe insomnia and anxiety issues while trying to make my startup work).
I still need to work on myself more and this is one of the main purposes why I started making notes of my experiences. So that I can read them and relive these moments that will serve me as a reminder when I find myself entangled in worldly things.
